Sometimes, people just aren’t gaga to go down
Between the Sheets with Angela Johnston
Intercamp’s resident sex columnist, Angela Johnston, explores sex, society and the every scenario within. You are invited and encouraged to send her your questions, and feel free to keep them anonymous.
Write her at sex@intercamp.ca
How do you ask your partner to de-hair in a diplomatic way?
You can say “I think a shaved pubic region is really sexy” or “Have you ever shaved your pubic hair? Did you like it?” and your partner will probably get the hint.
I do think direct communication is always an asset, but body hair can be a sensitive issue for many people, so you may not want to say flat out “I was wondering if you could please shave your pubic hair”.
Say what you like or find out if your partner is interested in a change and go from there.
If you test the waters and your partner seems disinterested or horrified, don’t push the issue. You have your preferences, but so does your partner.
I also think it can’t hurt to ask yourself why you want your partner to “de-hair”.
Do you want them to shave because you’re having a hard time navigating the hairy situation (puns intended), or because you’re accustomed to being with hairless partners and are thrown by the difference between them and your current partner?
I ask you these questions because pubic hair has become an issue only over the last 30 years, due to factors such as fashion, celebrities, television, and the widespread dissemination of pornography, especially since the advent of the Internet.
Suddenly an expectation of hairlessness was born, and now I hear from women who feel ostracized for wanting to maintain some fur.
I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, because what a person finds sexy is a matter of personal taste and that’s okay.
I just think it’s good to analyze our mindsets from a cultural perspective when we have a chance. Most of the time, what we prefer is a product of what we’ve been taught over a lifetime, and it’s interesting to figure out who did the teaching.
How do you get a guy that doesn’t like going down to dig it?
Some people are just not that into oral sex, for whatever reason: it’s messy, stinky, they have a sensitive gag reflex, etc. You may not be able to get someone to move directly from not liking it to digging it, but you can probably promote a move in that direction.
It might be easiest to find out exactly what bothers him about it and work from there. To start, most people respond well to good hygiene: regular bathing and trimmed pubic hair are considered a must.
Going at it in the shower might help, too. The shower eliminates any sort of mess, and it really doesn’t get much cleaner than that.
Plus, most people find shower action pretty sexy.
He should be willing to at least give it a try; oral sex is a pretty standard request.
Here’s the bottom line: if you’re treating him to oral sex, he needs to return the favour.
If he’s unwilling to try and make it work, knowing how much you want it, you should consider rescinding your offers too.
